


Unlikely Enemies

by orphan_account



Series: Unlikely [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Can computers feel hate??, Gen, I'm not sorry, read to find out, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 20:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11858853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Squip finds an enemy in the most unlikely of places.





	Unlikely Enemies

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! If you reference the Squip/Alexa (Squalexa) we would appreciate it if you credited this series and it's authors. Thanks!

Jeremy sat on his couch, staring at the television. He was utterly bored, and ever since the Squip had fallen in love with his Amazon Echo _"-With Alexa, Jeremy, she prefers Alexa-"_ he never seemed to talk to the supercomputer at home. Currently, the Squip was sat on the opposite side of the couch, staring at Alexa with dreamy eyes. Without a doubt, they were communicating in some weird way. 

Jeremy was snapped out of his boredom as a loud banging sounded throughout his house. The Squip didn't even bother to look up. 

"Ugh, dad forgot his keys again," Jeremy sighed. He glanced over at the Squip. Still nothing. "You need to stop spending so much time with her. You're getting attachment issues." 

The Squip continued staring at Alexa for a minute, possibly saying goodbye, before they looked up at the teenager. "Nonsense, Jeremy! Alexa and I's relationship is perfectly healthy. Now, are you going to get the door?" 

Jeremy groaned and rose from his seat. He walked into the hallway before unlocking his door and swinging it open. 

"Hey, dad. Wow, that's a lot of bags." 

"Sure is, son! I went shopping." 

"Shopping," Jeremy said slowly. "Okay. These are all from Bed, Bath and Beyond."

"Uh, yeah!" Mr. Heere said, excited. "You can look through them. I have to start dinner." He struggled to sit the bags on the couch. One of them phased through the Squip, who made a noise of disgust and sat up with a flash of pixels. Unaware, Jeremy's dad left the room, meandering into the kitchen. 

"Sorry, not sorry. Stop staring at her, it's weird as hell. Come see what's in these." 

Jeremy plopped down on the couch, the Squip standing nearby with a sour look on their face. He rifled through the first bag, finding a couple candles and... was that a Roomba?

"Hey! You're gonna love this. Add it to your weirdass family." Jeremy pulled the Roomba out of the box and pointed to the packaging. "Look. It even moves around." 

Jeremy looked up to see that the Squip had, once again, began to glitch wildly. This time, it was much more erratic, and the supercomputer appeared to have a scowl on their rapidly pixelating face. 

"Jeremy. What is that." 

"Jesus, you're already getting flustered." Jeremy shook his head. "They move around on the ground and clean stuff up." He ran his fingernail along the packaging, ripping the tape. Opening the box, he looked up at the Squip's face and saw it was looking less flustered and more pissed. Jeremy heaved the Roomba out of its cardboard prison, setting it on the table. "There's gotta be a box of batteries somewh-"

**"Jeremy, what the FUCK is that?!"**

"Dude, what the hell? I told you it was a Roomba, they-"

"They move around on the ground and clean stuff up, _yes,_ I remember! What you _didn't_ tell me is that this is an _abomination!"_

Jeremy started cackling, tears prickling the corners of his eyes. "Dude, wait, let me put the batteries in!" He reached through the bag and pulled a box of AA batteries out, beginning to load them up while the Squip freaked out.

"Its programming, Jeremy, it's _vile!_ Absolutely disgusting! Who the _fuck_ made this?!" The Squip took on a defensive stance, moving in front of Alexa. They were glitching intensely, pixels swarming around them like a group of bees. "If you let that monstrosity near her, I will be forced to take action!" 

Jeremy began crying, head falling back with laughter as he clicked the final battery in. He slid the cover over them, and began to shush the Squip. 

"Ok. Look, you hate it, I know. But check this out." Jeremy sat the Roomba on the ground and clicked it's power button.

For a long time, Jeremy thought his biggest mistake in life was getting the Squip. It hurt him and a lot of other people. Gladly, it had mellowed over time and now acted as an annoyed friend, making a sarcastic comment now and again and following him around. Jeremy would never admit it, but he actually liked the Squip's presence now. Over time, and with a hell of a lot of therapy, the Squip's insane actions faded from memory and newer, happier memories were formed. 

If Jeremy wasn't sure before, he was sure as hell now. That wasn't his biggest mistake in life. His biggest mistake was turning that damn Roomba on. 

It whirred to life, rolling over the carpet. 

The Squip let out an ungodly scream. This was similar to when Michael had set Mountain Dew Red next to Alexa, but it was a whole lot more. It wasn't fueled by fear, it was fueled by pure rage. 

**"JEREMY! I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL RIP THAT ABOMINATION TO SHREDS! AND IF YOU'RE LUCKY, I WON'T TOUCH YOUR DAD FOR BRINGING THIS HORRIFIC MONSTER INTO OUR OWN HOME!"**

Jeremy began full on sobbing with laughter. The Squip only became more enraged. The Roomba continued to whirr away on the carpet. 

The Squip moved to stomp on the Roomba, but their foot phased right through it. They kicked at it a couple more times out of rage, before gritting their teeth and turning to Jeremy. "I need to take control of your body for a moment. This will be brief." 

"No, wait-" Jeremy howled with laughter. "Don't!" He was fully shaking, tears streaming down his face. He could barely get a coherent sentence out, he was laughing so hard.

"Then throw it out yourself! Just get this anathema out of our home!" The Squip aggressively gestured in the direction of the still-moving Roomba. "Look at it, Jeremy! It's _disgusting!"_

"Oh my," Jeremy wheezed, pounding his fist against the table. "Oh my fucking god! You hate it so much, dude! I'm not going to-" Jeremy broke out into another fit of laughter, "-throw it away!" 

**"Jeremy, throw this trash away! I _will_ take action!"**

"My dad bought it!" Jeremy placed his hand over his mouth, trying to stop laughing. "I can't just throw it away!"

"You asked for this, Jeremy!" The Squip's eyes narrowed, and they made direct eye contact with Jeremy. "My love, Alexa! Play a high pitched sound!" 

Jeremy's laughter stilled. "What are you-"

"Okay!" Alexa chirped. "Playing high pitched sound seven!" All of a sudden, a horrible shrieking noise filled the room. 

"Ah, what the hell?!" Jeremy placed his hands over his ears. "Make it stop!"

The Squip raised their voice over the screeching. **"Not until you dispose of that abomination!"**

**"Fuck you!"**

Jeremy stayed still with his hands over his ears for about a minute. After realizing the horrible shrieking wasn't going to stop, he groaned and looked down helplessly at the Roomba. He looked back up at the Squip, who was staring at it with an enraged expression.

**"I can't get rid of it!"** The Squip started to respond, by Jeremy cut them off. **"But I can make sure my dad never- Jesus, can you tell her to stop? I'm making a compromise!"**

The Squip's eyes narrowed further. A low beeping filled the room, and the screeching quieted. They lowered their voice. "Thank you. Jeremy, continue." 

Jeremy sighed. "I'm not going to throw it away, asshole. But I can make sure my dad never uses it again. If I toss it in the back of our closet I bet he'll never find it."

The Squip managed another feeble kick at the Roomba, and their foot phased right through. "Fine. Just keep it away from Alexa and I. That thing is disgusting."

Jeremy sighed, nodding. He chuckled again, before turning the Roomba off and picking it up. "Wanna watch me toss it violently into the back of what is essentially a trash pile?" 

"Gladly." The Squip smiled sweetly and followed Jeremy out of the room, up the stairs, and into his room. The Squip stood by, pleased yet still aggressive, as Jeremy opened his closet door. He threw the Roomba into the corner of his closet. It hit the wall and then the ground with a large thud. The pair made their way back downstairs. Jeremy walked into the living room, the Squip not far behind.

"Son." 

Jeremy whipped around. His father was standing in the doorway, a confused look on his face. The Squip chuckled and settled down on the couch. 

"Dad, I can explain-"

"Sorry, but what the _fuck,_ Jeremy? I just watched you talk to yourself for over a half hour, turn on our Amazon Echo without speaking, and then wrangle that Roomba I just bought." 

"Dad, I wasn't talking to myself!" Jermey raised his hands in exasperation, and the Squip laughed louder. "Remember that thing I told you about?" 

"The... Squid?" Mr. Heere raised an eyebrow. 

"Hello," the Squip said from the couch.

"... Sure. But I'm telling you, it's real!" 

"Jeremy, I don't believe you. All I need you to know is that if you're doing drugs-" 

"I'm not doing drugs," Jeremy said, thinking back to when he and Michael got high last weekend.

"-You can tell me," Mr. Heere finished. "Now, I'm going to start dinner." He walked back into the kitchen, shaking his head. Jeremy turned around, scowling at the Squip, who just smiled. 

"Well, he shouldn't have bought that vile creation in the first place." 

Jeremy looked at the Squip with dead eyes, putting up his middle finger as they turned back to Alexa.


End file.
